Another day another dr

So I left off telling you that I thought all was good but GOD had a different plan. My foot actually started to get better …always with pain but thought it was just from the surgeries and continual healing. Last Tuesday the pain got to be too much to bare and the Dr said since foot was swollen and purple go to Er. Of course I was again admitted for pain management and to get an MRI and a neurology consult. What they  found on the MRI shocked us all! My long plantar tendon has fluid around it and highlighted showing degeneration (necrosis) also the remaining bone in my foot (the ball of the foot) is also shoeing necrosis. So basically my foot is being slowly eaten away by the remaining effects of the venom. Also my entire foot has nerve damage I can feel the slightest touch ( like a sheet or blanket) followed by pain. By pain I mean 10 of 10 on the Richter scale. So they gave me a surgical nerve block which lasted less than 48 hrs and continued pain meds. After three days I was released with the following news. Further amputation is needed (most of the foot) there is an option of a below the knee amputation but its drastic and we don’t even know if it Will continue to spread that high. Pros and con’s you ask???? Pro to BTK amp: 1. No more pain 2. Prosthetic will give me Bette f walking and balance .3. Chances of residual venom being that high slum to none so no more surgeries. Con’s: 2. I lose the bottom half of my leg. 2. Complication risk is much higher. 3. The recovery time is longer. For the partial foot amp pros: I keep my leg and part of my foot. 2. The recovery time will be much faster. Con’s: 1. will still  need a prosthetic 2. Pain may continue 3. May need further surgery later. 4. Walking will always be an issue. My Dr thinks the partial foot is best but Dr is waiting for U of M to give a 3rd opinion at this point both drs reading pathology agree partial foot (1/2 of foot) amp is best way to go. The biopsy showed necrotic bone marrow on last surgery. Soooooo needless to say there are big decisions that lie ahead. Yesterday  the dr gave me 9 injections in my foot to numb it but that lasted all of 2 1/2 hrs and my foot feels worse today than yesterday. I was also told no work for at minimum 1 yr. I was told to stay off foot completely because its like I’m walking on broken bone And it can start to chip away so crutches and wheel chair it is. We will hold off on surgery until after the holidays but until then I’m down for the count and emotionally dying inside. Why me? Is it pay back for All my wrongs. I thought GOD did not punish so what is his plan for me? I was at my primary drs office today for 2 hrs and she wants me to have a special test that injects a nuclear medicine that shows exactly where the infection started then they can take the whole area out. At this point I’m scared and lonely and feel all alone. I need help but don’t want to ask or seem weak or put anyone out of their way. Now to stay sober through all of this…..well one day at a time I will have to push through cause if I drink ~I DIE PERIOD~alcohol for me is just like the venom it will slowly deteriorate my body.  So I will pray and reach out to fellow AA’ers even though all I want to do is curl up in a ball and isolate I feel like like this while issue is getting old and people are tired of hearing about it. But I am tired too tired of the pain, the sleepless nights, the nausea and vomiting from pain, the meds, the tough decisions , the stigma that amputees get and the dirty looks I get when I pull up with my handicap sticker , the mood swings  and the prayers failing me. I just need live and support right now! PS when I went to my primary there was a baby snake in the hall WTH is wrong with FL??┬┐?!!!┬í!! GOD BLESS! 😇🙏

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3 thoughts on “Another day another dr

  1. hi v. PLS HANG IN THERE.
    I do not have to also battle with an addiction but the constant hi pain during recovery i did have. and yes still to this day there is pain at varying levels. i have no real answers for you-YOU have to do it for YOURSELF-THE PAIN -YOU MUST NOT LET IT WIN. YOU MUST WIN. YOU WILL WIN. YOU WILL. YOU WILL WIN. GOT IT.
    may sound weird but i used my pain to CONVINCE MYSELF that I WAS HEALING. eg the pain of RECOVERY not the pain of injury i gues is a good way of putting it( this helped ACCEPT the pain as price to pay FOR being given a chance to keep on living) over time i grew to see the pain as FOR ME not to me etc…mentally i found this approach useful tho admittedely still cried like a wus when the pain wave got hi-i also learnt to meditate 1/2hr+ per day-to get and give myself ME TIME-to have a break just FOR ME-idea to begin this when pain level lo etc so u can settle easier-there are many healing type medtns on cd or mp3/4 compat. etc avail which you may find useful. Take and make
    YOUR TIME a priority at this stage of your healing.
    now…on the physical side my body regen. ability seemed
    enhanced when i was using(and still use) a antiseptic COLLOIDAL SILVER solution not the norm. so to speak-got the idea when heard in hospital they were now using C.S. in their burns unit for the stubborn infections etc prevalent in that unit and were having good to excellent results. the docs thought was NOVEL APPROACH but did seem to help so stayed on it.btw C.S. can be taken as a drink-gues IT CLEANS inside and ouside-am planning to do post soon on this colloid- I give a hi personaly recomend it-tho be aware that drinking lots WILL TURN YOU INTO A SMURF- yep theres one in every crowd… a man on hearing it could be of use-drank HEAPS AND HEAPS-and his SKIN TURNED BLUE- will send you post data wen i do it.-i laughed and cried at same time when i saw the pics!! apparently legends also say the term “bluebloods” for example came about because the nobles who btw ONLY ate with SILVER cutlery and goblets etc were also afflicted slightly with the curse of the smurf so to speak and named appropriately etc. check with your doc if they can get u some etc tho can be online ordered too. ok v. dats bout all i can think of at moment-hope the info useful.
    YOUWILLWINYOUWILLWINYOUWILLWINYOUWILLWINYOUWILLWINYOUWILL.

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    1. Yes my sister is a nurse and she told me about the colloid silver . I may just try it. I will win!! I do meditate as part of my AA recovery. I have to fill my head with positive posts and positive people. I’m glad you’ve reached out and told me your experience with the pain because no one seems to understand how bad it can get. I too cry like a baby sometimes but I try to do it when I’m alone if my pain gets that bad I g in my room so the kids and my husband don’t worry. They all feel bad enough that this happened .. I appreciate you keeping me informed ! Its a delight to correspond with you my new blogger buddy!

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