Have you ever wondered WTH happened to my life??? I worked my a** of since I was 14 yrs
old and now here i sit unable to work asking for government assistance, setting up donation sites for our family and applying for disability. I’ve even been called a begger! Begger please!!!! I hope and PRRRAAYYY that this never happens to someone else or to their children….I’ve lost so much over this…my credit, my dignity, my self esteem,my best friend and I’m tired of losing I’M NOT A LOSER!!! This is what my life has become. In sobriety I’ve come to rely highly on GOD but right now my faith is wavering. Don’t get me wrong I love GOD and believe in him but today I feel like GOD WHERE ARE YOU NOW??? I know I know I’ve heard it a thousand times and even tell myself “god has a plan and it will come in his time” but I still am losing the faith. Why did this snake have to bite me , thank god it wasn’t one of my Children, but why our family? Why our yard? Why now? With all the if’s I feel like I’m going to go crazy…the what if’s are no better. What if I didn’t smoke…I never would have gone out on the back porch hence I wouldn’t have been bit. What if I never moved to FL. What if I was wearing tennis shoes? What if i would have looks down before stepping out? I could go on and on. Now I’m completely unable to do anything…cook dinner..nope, do the laundry…nope, take a walk nope….I have to rely fully on my husband who I know is on his last leg…no punt intended lol…he’s the best father and husband I could ask for but hr can’t do it ALL. I just want the next surgery so I can get back to MY life. I need help getting my faith back because without it I’m bound to pick up that drink and be the a**hole I once was. Prayers I need prayers and I need to pray and seek HIM…there has got to be a reason for all of this but what is it? …..when I find out I will sure let you know.
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