Carrying on to strength

Well I’m back again folks been a little busy getting a foot amputation. I know that I had said I had prepared for this because after all it’s been since December 9th I’ve known it was going to happen.  That being said, The first 2 days were ok 3/4 not the best you get the picture things keep moving more and more into anxiety and depression mode. The pain is actually a lot better it has its extreme moments but over all I have less pain. The Drs told me when I got home I’ll still feel a little weird from all the new meds and from the many surgeries with anesthesia by the way did you know that even though anesthesia leaves your body within 24 hrs it can effect your brain in little ways for like a month? I just learned this because I feel bat shit crazy and the dr explained to me with this many surgeries it’s quite normal. When I talk I forget what I’m saying in the middle of a sentence. I forget to do certain things. It’s awful. I’ve also got this tremor in my hands and nerves that jump all over my body and that is when my foot hurts the most because those nerves get all crazy and wacked out LOL, it’s true though. I’m going through so many physical changes due amputation and to all the new meds he put me on. I feel like I could really break down today. I am completely helpless right now I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself because even at home I’ve fallen twice. I’m sure someone can relate, someone has to get my food , get me in and out of tub, get me on the toilet and back up (getting up is much harder than going to sit) I know this going to pass but I’m a super duper control freak so I’m dying here I also have always been extremely independent and these days I’m not! I was bad before the surgery but I’m worse now, at least before I could go pee by myself no one had to lift me off the toilet for goodness sakes! The couch or bed is all I’ve got right now and I don’t want to burden anyone with my issues. I feel as if everyone has heard about it so much they don’t want to hear about it anymore. I can’t even go to a AA meeting cause I can’t ride In a car until I see dr in Thursday, reasoning is if there is an accident I could injure myself really badly on the left foot. I’m bored I’m sad as hell I keep thinking its not forever but right now in the moment I feel like an Ogar now I have this ugly stump! I feel alone and tired! I want to cry all the time I feel like a baby and I don’t like it. I’m a hot hot mess right now I’m not in a good way. I will end with this I love my GOD and he has a plan and I’m just following his lead I know he is the one to give me strength through all of this I know it’s all part of a bigger plan I know that right now I’m so low I know I’m not walking with him but he is carrying me❤️

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5 thoughts on “Carrying on to strength

  1. Thanks for the update, because it makes it easier to pray. My daughters arrive Thursday from the US in preparation for my wife’s brain surgery next Wednesday. We do have trials in this life, just as Jesus said, (John 16:33) but in Him we can take heart and look forward, focusing on Him rather than on the trials. May the Holy Spirit fill and enfold you, lifting you up and indeed carrying you through everything.

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    1. Thank you for your response and I will add your wife to my prayer list also I pray that your daughters will have safe travels and that you will find strength in this difficult time ahead. Thank you again for your response.

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