At the surface

Today I don’t need to dig too deep to see what I’m feeling because all my feelings, good & bad are right here at the surface of my soul. I’ve become more spiritual in recent months  and I know more than anything that GOD is near to me, either carrying me or guiding me or even giving me that little nudge to let me know he’s here. Knowing all of that I ‘m still feeling as if it’s never going to get better though the reality is that it will get better but I just don’t feel that right now. I’m on the verge of tears every moment and even when I don’t want to talk about it a simple act of kindness by a “hey how are you feeling ?” Makes me feel like completely breaking down. I just say I’m doing ok because I know that if I say how bad i feel someone will want to talk about it further & sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. My ego is crushed I feel like a child trying to get around, my 3 yr old does better than me. I’m confined in our room, with no one to interact with as my husband is too busy with the kids, I feel very alone right now and don’t know which end is up! I need to pray and bring GOD to the surface to fight some of these feelings for me. I need to keep his love and power close to my heart to help me heal. GOD is the only that has the power to get me through this mess.

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6 thoughts on “At the surface

  1. I’m sorry you are hurting physically, mentally, and emotionally. It does sound from your post that while all these other hurts are present in your life, your spiritual life with God is ever present and increasing. This is wonderful. It is something to be truly grateful for. I went to a conference one time, and the speaker pointed out a verse in Isaiah: (61:3) “and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor”. See inside the verse “garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair”. Even though you are confined at the moment, and probably feeling less than who you know your best to be, and as a woman this can bring us way way way down – try to visualize the most magnificent garment you could wear – a garment that is made of all your adoration, love, and praise for your Abba Father. Now, put it on. Breathe. Empty your mind of every single thing except what you have to praise your Father for. Begin praising. In your mind if that is what makes you comfortable, but if you dare – then praise out loud. I praise you Father for my breath. I praise you Father for my husband. I praise you Father for my children. I praise you Father for my bed……praise! praise! praise! It will smother the spirit of despair. You may have to do it often, but do it. Soon, you will find yourself automatically praising when you feel down. It will aid in your emotional and mental healing – which most always aids in physical healing. I am very sorry for this trial you are going through. My heart and soul pray for your healing. God bless you.

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  2. God is obviously bringing blessings for which you will later be very grateful. I do pray for healing, peace, patience, hope, perseverance, and all the other things you need right now. God IS to be trusted and He WILL supply!

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