I was doing my bible plan reading that I started last week Entitled “Through the eyes of a Lion” as you can tell by the title it is about being strong and facing our fears and struggles head on I took an excerpt from my reading because it really moved me to thoughts of strength, fearlessness and a fresh look on things here is the excerpt and I will leave my thoughts after:
Suffering isn’t an obstacle to being used by God. It is an opportunity to be used like never before.
You’re actually better fit for ministry (helping others through your own journey)in the crucible of pain. You have a stronger voice to project and to declare, and it’s easier to belt from the diaphragm of your soul when you’re hurting. It’s counterintuitive, but in the middle of my hardest mess, I’ve found ministry to be a great strength waiting to be tapped into. It was welling up within me—a greater desire than ever before to tell the whole world that Jesus Christ can turn off the dark—because I experienced it myself. Right there, at ground zero, in the valley of the shadow of death. As hard as it was to claw our way through on hands and knees in those moments, We find that there’s perhaps no time you are as powerful as when you minister in the midst of pain.
Let me tell you in the past week I’ve spent 8 1/2 of 10 days in the hospital, in for 3, out for 1, back in now today will be day 5 1/2. As you all know I had a PFT (partial foot amputation) 6 weeks ago. The reason for my most recent stay is for cellulitis in my foot. Before this amputation and after the last I had cellulitis 8 + times due to osteomyelitis, so you can imagine how much this is scaring me. They are telling me ALL the same things they did before they actually found out that I had osteomyelitis. Your pain is”phantom pain, only post op changes on MRI, only cellulitis seen on MRI, labs look ok, it’s normal to have some pain after surgery, you don’t need this it’s not that….” Well it’s very scary because they were wrong about everything before but the one change is that my new orthopedic Dr actually said ” I want you to know I’m keeping the fact that this could potentially be or turn into an osteomyelitis in the front of my mind” so I at least feel better that way.
Back to the reading I was thinking I’m going through the eye of the storm right now and don’t know what is going to happen I mean worst case scenario I could lose the lower part of my leg best case scenario I get through this infection and only lose some recovery time. In either case I need to do the next right thing which is to help another alcoholic by telling them YOU DONT HAVE TO DRINK OVER ANYTHING!!! You too can weather the storm. If we just talk our way through what’s bothering us with our sponsor or another alcoholic that can help us turn our way of thinking around we can make it through. We have to just NOT DRINK! For me my thoughts in this time are usually something I’m thinking negatively or thinking the worst about but by not being honest about these feelings and not WORKING through them it will lead me to a drink. The best way for me to get out of these feelings is to help another alcoholic or human being…..MINISTERING! I know alcoholics are not going to like the word “MINISTER” but I’m using it anyway I’m trying to make a point. We can do this with human beings in general they do not have to be alcoholic we can use this scenario anyway …..that if you keep it all in it will cause undo stress possibly even depression or severe depression.
I must do certain things daily to remain a healthy member of GODS team and when I get into a slump I have to do more for myself and my fellows. One big thing is that If I don’t give it all to GOD …let me repeat that if I don’t give it ALL to GOD I’ll be lost, stressed and sitting in self pity. A good friend once told me this quote and I still use it to this day ” I can’t, GOD can, so why not let him?! Sometimes I can’t give it up and then I ask myself this question and I can never come up with a logical answer except to, well, just do it ! Another thing I have to do is that I must wake up in prayer and CONTINUE to pray all day long , not for what I want but for what God wants for me. I have to ask GOD to direct my thoughts and actions and I have to do what GOD calls me to do, be kind to my fellows, be humble, be honest and to do theses things to the best of my ability !!! Do I do this perfectly NO NO NO NO! Never because I’m not God and I’m not perfect but I try. For instance right now I’m writing this to all of you because I feel down , I feel like giving up, I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m sad but I cannot live in these things so I’m reaching out writing to you all about what may help you which also reminds myself what helps me. It gets me out of myself and into the fact that i hope to help one of you. So please pay it forward, pass on your knowledge let me know what helps you, let’s help (minister) each other!
Love and blessings to all❤️